This Is Not The End

The last ten days of Ramadan have a special significance in Islam. For what it's worth, I'm going to step up, and try to spend sometime on my religion. Maybe I can try and reconnect with God. I don't know that it's the only way, but it's the only way I know. Wish me luck!

I'll be around, commenting and what not, but I won't be really up to posting. See you in October!

Just One of the Boys

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Checking It Twice

So the networks are gearing up for a new season of televisions shows. Here's a rundown of what's going to grace my TV screen.

*Warning: Possible Spoilers Ahead*

Shows I Will Watch:

• House: Ye, it's formulaic as hell. Yes, the medical mystery is boring and predictable. Hugh Laurie's Greg House makes up for a lot. I find certain characters (House, Wilson, Cuddy) interesting, and if the give me inough character plot to keep me hooked, I'm going to keep watching.
• Supernatural: Some of the individual episode stories were pretty cool, but I was much more into seasonal arcs. I am waiting to find out how they'll get Dean out of hell, and if Sam will be the Antichrist. If they keep up the violence, the angst, and the 'brotherly' love, I'll be there.
• The Sarah Connor Chronicles: I love Cameron so much. Maybe one day the blue fairy will make her a real boy. Until then I'll enjoy watching all the ways she makes mine and John's hearts ache.
• Heroes: I like the comic book schtick. I'm hoping for interesting female characters that aren't mentally ill. I hope Nikki and Nathan are still alive.
• Brothers and Sisters: I love Sally Field. The Walkers are wonderfully dysfunctional. I don't like Tommy much, but I love everyone else. I hear Eric McCormack is going to guest this season.
• Dexter: I love this show so much. Dexter is adorable. Michael C. Hall and Julie Wentz, I like, and I don't hate the rest of the cast.
• Entourage: They're shallow misogynistic assholes, but I love my boys. The season is off the a mediocre start, but I'm hoping they'll come through with the snarky dialogue.
• Grey's Anatomy: The main couple annoys the hell out of me. Grey is too whiny and Shepperd is always tearing up. I have to watch this because everyone I know does, and I'll be overwhelmed by whining if I don't. Also, I like Bailey.
• Torchwood: I heard that this season has been roformatted into 5 hourlong episodes that will be airing on consecutive days. I have no idea why, but it's not like I watch this show for the logic.

This post is already much longer than I wanted it to be so I'm going to leave the maybes for next time.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Rain. I love overcast skies. I love the smell before after and during rain. I love the way the air feels, cool and clean and wet against my face.

Chocolate. Cheap milk chocolate is like a one night stand. Quick and dirty against the bathroom wall, hot body and cool porcelain and then it's over. With dark chocolate is a committed loving relationship, albeit a long distance one. Sometimes when the separation becomes too much, I cheat, but ultimately I return.

Coffee. I have much love for coffee, but I don't drink it much. When I drink it everyday I start taking it for granted, and I haven't found decent readily available beans. I like it bitter traditional Arabic in the tiny cups. I like it mudlike Turkish. I like it in the somewhat crappy Starbucks raspberry iced mocha. I like it best black with a little sugar if its a really really decent brew. I also like it in ice cream, if it's strong and bittersweet.

New Who. I loved Eccleston's moody broody angst. I loved Tennent's manic-depressive manchild death god. (He has freckles)I liked the cheesiness. I liked Rose, I loved Donna.

Torchwood. All fucking all the time. As Campy as Cap'n Jack Harkness's toothpaste commercial smile, and as pretty as Gwen's freckles.

Supernatural. So much UST. Guns, Knives, and violence. The Impala. Jensen Ackles mouth. Jensen Ackle's freckles. Jensen Ackles in general, so pretty it makes me confused.

My Typewriter. An old manual Underwood model. Back when we were highschool my best friend got it for me, off of something I said about wanting to hear myself click away as I worked on my Great Non-American Novel. I never got it to work, and I wasn't ever much of a writer, but it's still one of the most perfect thing I own.

My Red Sin City Lunchbox. It's red, has movie Marv on it, and is just plain pretty. An indulgent purchase a couple of days ago, but I think I'm in love. It's tin and comes with a matching thermos. The only thing better would be original A New Hope.

Jane Austen. Because she rocks. And the Pride and Prejudice BBC mini series kicks the movie's ass any day of the week. I need to get my hands on a copy of Mansfield Park though.

Music. Old School Gulfi. Glam. Iggy Pop. Rockabilly. Singer-song writers. The Who. Thin Lizzy. Jeff Buckley. Regina Spektor. Big band. Classic Rock. Fairooz. The Doors. Kibarye. The list is endless and varied.

American Gods. I love love love Neil Gaiman's stuff. This book was the first of his I read I think. This is actually where I got my pen name.

Irony. Sometimes, it's all I need to keep me going.

Freckles. They are hot liek whoa.

Wish List

There are a lot of things that I want to do. Some of them are easy things that I know I will be able to do eventually. Others are things that I may be able to do with effort and relocation. Others still are things that I’m pretty certain I won’t be able to do.

Some of these things:

• Graduate: Hopefully in about eight months.
• Get my MBA: I was hoping that I’d push up my GPA high enough that I’d qualify for a scholarship to go abroad, but I don’t think that’s happening. I still qualify for a local, so maybe I’ll stick around for a couple of years and get one while I work.
• Get into shape and get into an EMT then a paramedic program: If I can get a non-KU MBA scholarship for somewhere other than Kuwait, maybe this is something I can do on my own dime. I don’t think I’d like a desk job much, and being a first responder seems useful, something I’ve always sort of wanted to be.
• Become an assistant to someone who does something interesting: I think about doing this after I get my MBA. I’m not an efficient person by nature, but I’d like to learn to be. Also, it seems like a good way to learn about the real world.
• Go bungee jumping: This just seems like a lot of fun.
• Go skydiving: Again, fun.
• Learn to ride a motorcycle: Same. Also, pretty.
• Read something Non-Fiction and finish it: I’ve just never been able to do this. I need a plot to hold my interest.
• Learn to not suck at video game: For my hand to eye coordination of course.
• Learn another language: Maybe Spanish or German. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. Knowing only two seems so… limiting.
• Learn Sign Language: It just seems interesting.
• Learn to play a musical instrument: Most likely the guitar. I’ve always loved music, I’d like to be able to be part of it.
• Go to a music concert: But to a band I like and whose songs I know. Maybe with some people I could enjoy it with. Some of my friends went to the Muse concert in Dubai a few months ago, and I’ve always resented my not being able to go.

So, is there anything that you wish you could do?

Edited to Add: Get Laid: I think this one speaks for itself. (Insert wry smirk here.)

Situation Normal

All Fucked Up.

A few years back, I’d have never thought of going to a Baskin Robins and getting a flavor I’d already tried. Once I tried to dye my hair blue (it was too dark to make a difference). I tried to learn skateboarding at a heavy and highly uncoordinated 17. I wrote terrible poetry and attempted to write what was possibly the world’s worst rap. My grades were not good enough to get me into university. I was miserable and felt like my life had no potential (with my family the options seemed to be either get into college or find a way to erase myself from the timeline), but it was freeing in a way. I was a sheltered kid leading a boring life, but I thought I was the biggest screw up that ever existed.

At 19, I graduated with a GPA that got me into university, barely. In Kuwait, you have to decide what you want to study before you register for university. I flipped a coin and went into business school where I was an unexceptional student, albeit one that was taking way too long to graduate. I made a few friends, had a few laughs, and shirked as much responsibility as I could. I tried to rebel, and decided to change majors. Took some time off to get my shit together, and spent it taking to my bed with the vapors. I watched a lot of porn, read some Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, ate my weight in junk food, and spent way too much time reading fanfiction exploring teh gay subtext (and turning it into the mansex) between the male leads of several tv shows. Then, with no real desire to do so, I went back to school.

Soon I will be starting what is hopefully going to be my last year of being an undergrad at Kuwait University. Today for the first time in too long, I ordered an ice-cream flavor I haven’t tried before. About one week ago I started this blog. A month ago I submitted an essay to the editor of the newsletter of a gay women’s group to which I belong. A year ago I met that women’s group for the first time. Two years ago, I came back to school. Five years ago I finished high school.

I’m starting to think that it is possible for me to get my act together.

Effortless

I make no effort.

The following is a short film on gender representation in advertising that came out in 1999 but is still pretty relevant I think.

I feel a little guilty that the treatment didn’t take.

I wear size 16 American. I’m a big girl with small to average breasts (all the cons none of the pros) and I think they may be a little lopsided. I have big hands and wear size 9 and a half shoes. I rarely wear makeup and my hair gets to do whatever it wants. I’m not tanned, toned, groomed, or plucked. Despite my family’s best efforts, ranging from locking the kitchen and fridge when I was growing up to my favorite, “You’ll never get a man looking like that” (pity, that), I don’t hate myself or the way I look. I should probably make an effort to get a more feminine self-esteem.

That said, I think this is pretty serious stuff. It took me a long time to shut out the sound of other people's voices and learn to accept my body.